The Secret to Change
12/12/06
Most of us are slaves to habit
and familiarity. Our present environment is a symbol of our present thoughts. My
family is me, my job is me, my friends are me.
It has been observed
a wounded animal will return to what is familiar. Because man is also an animal
he likes familiarity and in time of trouble will also return to what is
familiar. This bit of knowledge is how criminals are tracked down. For instance
a white collar criminal who has expensive tastes in cars and fancy restaurants
will not be difficult for the authorities to locate. He will be driving his
favourite type of car to his favourite restaurant.
A wounded pet will
make their way back home. There is a compelling force driving us to old
surroundings because these surroundings remind us of how we were or are supposed
to be—they are comforting and reassuring. It is no wonder old habits die hard.
How do we break away from habit? What is the secret to changing a lifetime of
habit?
There is very little
growth in an adult. Researchers claim we stop using are brains around the age of
thirty. We rely on what we have learned in the first thirty years to carry us
over the next thirty. While I was studying NLP therapy, my instructor told me
with counseling most people will only change about six percent. That wasn’t
high enough for me—I wanted to change the world. Scientists are not saying
people who retire should go back to college to reactivate their minds. This has
to be upsetting to those who have done the same things for sixty years. How does
one go about changing years of habit?
Many people who have
had near death experiences or have had severe trauma in their lives come away
with instant change. Their lives are never the same and it is most noticeable by
those most familiar with them.
Meaningful change
does not have to come by hitting yourself over the head with a hammer—nor do you
have to sign up for courses or college. Change can come fairly easily, in simple
steps, which are subtle and for the most part unnoticeable.
Before change can
come there needs to be a desire for change. A commitment to do something about
it, and from there on it is simply a matter of developing a new habit—a habit of
change. A complete lifestyle makeover can be accomplished over a period of time
without the trauma from hitting yourself over the head with a hammer or leaving
your present circumstances. Habits are physical demonstrations of a mind that is
boxed. Habit simply means you are doing the same thing over and over again—there
is no growth in repeating steps. The very meaning of life is—movement!
Lasting change does
not come with making a change, but a with commitment to keep changing until it
becomes a habit—a habit of change.
One of the best
times to start your change is first thing in the morning. Commit yourself to
making at least one tiny change everyday and it doesn’t have to be the same
change. Try turning your alarm ahead or back 10 minutes. In other words get up
at a different time tomorrow morning. Probably, no one will even notice. Instead
of going straight to the bathroom try walking through the kitchen first on the
way. If brushing your teeth is one of your first rituals—change it. Or change
the brand of tooth paste you are using.
Try leaving your
house 15 minutes early for work one morning or take a different route—your will
see new people and different things. When you go to the mall or shopping
downtown—part away from the store you want to go into and try walking for a
block or two—you will discover new things and maybe even meet someone new, or be
reacquainted with someone you already know.
The point I am
trying to make here is to make small subtle changes which will not upset your
life or those around you. Make this your priority every day—to do something
different.
What you are going
to start noticing is how things start changing around you and how people will
start to treat you differently. They will evolve at the same rate as you do.
They will notice a change in you and want to know what it is. They will start
paying more attention to you and may want to get closer.
When I get up each
morning I make my way to the bathroom without turning on lights. In fact I keep
the lighting in my place subdued most of the time. I like candles and indirect
lighting and nothing too bright.
This morning I got
up a little earlier went to the washroom with my eyes closed—came back to my
computer and started writing this article. Halfway through the article I thought
about my morning tea and what I have been writing about. I decided to turn on
all the lights in the kitchen/living room. Two things stood out for me—there
were a few dirty dishes in the sink and my living room was very colourful. The
colour was coming from things that were in the room.
I decided to wash
the dishes and afterwards I made breakfast for myself instead of meeting my
co-workers at the restaurant. I also went to work an hour later than I normally
do and managed to complete this article and there are no dishes in the sink.
I normally do not
recommend making these many changes in such a short period. However, I have been
practicing for some time so when I make a change it usually leads to several
changes and it last the rest of the day. From time to time I find myself goofing
off and returning to old habits, but I do not chastise myself. I simple notice
the change and make corrections—after all, it’s the trip that counts—not getting
there. Also, if I am noticing old habits, it simply means I am aware and that is
exactly what I want—awareness. With the awareness of change comes opportunity
for change.
As you cultivate
your habit of change, you will begin to make bigger changes and you will start
ranging out. You growth will start to accelerate and you may find yourself in
conflict with those around you and who know you the best.
Remember this—people
will not want you to change—they will try to hold you back. It is very important
during this process for you to find new friends and people who will support you.
There are others who cherish growth and nurture it in others. For the most part
your family and friends will not support you. They have expectations of who you
are and how you should be—and many people do not want to be left behind. If you
are growing and they are not, they will not be able to relate to you the same
way—you will remind them that they are not growing. They won’t want to be stuck
at the station watching you get on the bus and leaving.
Plan ahead for your
transformation—dedicate yourself to changing your circumstances. Be thoughtful
of yourself and the feelings of others—most importantly trust your instincts and
don’t back down. Don’t make any big steps until you are ready—firmly establish
your routine of change. At some point you may find a niche that feels right and
you may not want to go any further—that is OK. Start over with little changes
keep up the habit no matter how settled you are. Small changes don’t have to
lead to major upheavals. Sometimes they are just the spices which make the rest
more interesting and satisfying. The secrets to changing are small secrets which
you discover everyday. You find them by looking for them in everything you
do—everyday!
Roy is a resident of British Columbia, Canada. An international published author, a student of NLP, spiritual philosopher, New Age Light Worker, Teacher and Phenomenologist. Roy's books and articles are thought provoking, and designed to empower your imagination.
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